Monday, May 9, 2016

Sometimes I Just Don't Feel Good

I have unfollowed people on Facebook recently because their posts make me angry.  And today, I find myself wanting to check their pages manually (as in going and searching for them).  The desire to do so is so strong, I had to stop and ask myself why.  Why when I know there may be something unsettling on there that is just going to get me all worked up, do I even want to look?  And then it hit me.  I am in a bad mood today.  And I think I want to have a reason.  I want that to be my reason.  But in all honesty, sometimes I am in a bad mood for no good reason at all.

So why do I need an excuse to be in a blah place? As a Christian, I think we place this expectation on ourselves to be happy all the time.  But that is completely unbiblical.  Jesus wasn't even happy all the time.  So yeah, today I just don't feel like adulting.  I don't feel like pasting on a pleasant smile and talking about flowers and sunshine and rainbows.  I feel like curling up and sleeping until tomorrow.  Well, maybe not completely until tomorrow, but at least until I need to eat again.

But because I am a Christian there are some things that I will NOT do in my current mood.

1- I will not complain about life and rant all over social media or to anyone and everyone I encounter- that is just not okay, ever.
2- I will not snap at everyone I encounter today or make snide, grumpy remarks- I'm picturing Ebeneezer Scrooge here.
3- I will not stop praying and praising God for the gifts and blessings He has been so generous to give.
4- I will not actually go to bed and sleep the day away- I do have work, and a son and a husband.
5- I will not believe the lies that Satan wants to tell me:
     a- That if I loved God enough I wouldn't feel this way.
     b- That if He loved me enough I wouldn't feel this way.
     c- That if I was a better mom, wife, daughter, etc, I wouldn't feel this way.
     d- That if my husband, son, mom, friend, etc loved me more then I wouldn't feel this way.
     e- That something is wrong with me. I must be completely broken and unlovable.
     f- That I will never stop feeling this way.
6- And though I so desperately want to, I will not push my husband away and not talk to him even though I quite honestly don't know how to say, I just don't feel good. Because my husband, being a man and a Pastor on top of that, wants to fix it.  He wants to know why? He wants to know if it's him, and what can he do?  And so it's easier to retreat.  But because I love Jesus, I want to be a godly woman, a godly wife and a godly mother.  And that means communicating.  That means just saying, I honestly DO NOT know why I feel this way.  Today is just one of those days.  Please hug me and love me through it.  And if I don't feel fat, bring me chocolate. ;-)

If you have ever felt this way, I want you to know that there is hope.  God promises us that his mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23).  (Which also Great is Thy Faithfulness is my favorite hymn and one I love to sing through tears in my eyes.  A personal favorite while rocking my son at 2 am during a feeding time as exhaustion threatened to overtake me.)
And another one of my favorite Bible verses is Zephaniah 3:17

God does care about you.  You are not alone.  If you are just having a no-good-I-Feel-Bad day then I pray that these verses encourage you as they do me.  And that you ignore all the lies and ridiculousness that Satan tries to feed you.  However, if you are reading this and your one bad day or two has become a continuous string of weeks or maybe even months, I so very much want you to know that you are not alone.  God loves you.  And I strongly encourage you to seek out a Christian Counselor to talk to.  This life is hard.  And unfortunately and wrongly, we believe that if we have "off" days then we don't love Jesus enough and we believe that we aren't supposed to even have blah days so we hide and retreat.  But there is such beauty in opening up and allowing Jesus to meet you here on these days.  When I stop pretending and just admit that I just don't feel good.  And I allow him to work, and restore the broken.  When I sit and imagine him rejoicing over me, quieting me and singing over me.  There is nothing more beautiful than trusting Jesus.

Love in Christ my dear sisters,


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