Thursday, November 13, 2014

God is Able, Why Doubt That He's Willing

This morning at around 3 AM, my son woke up crying.  We have a video monitor (yay- baby shower gift) so I laid and watched for a minute to see if he would go back to sleep as he usually does.  This morning, however, his little body would have coughing fits that would then make him cry again.  Our pediatrician said that keeping his nose clean would be a big help in reducing his coughing at night, but let me tell y'all, my son is not a fan of the nose sucking.  He fitfully turns his head so much that I fear even when holding him in almost a head lock that I will poke him in the eye with the thing. But seeing how my son was struggling, I went to get the aspirator anyway, hoping I could coax my son into believing that it would help him feel better... he didn't care.  I offered milk that he turned down.  So then I did what any mother would do and I scooped him up and carried him over to the rocking chair in his room.  And then I cuddled my son and rubbed his back and rocked him to sleep.  He managed to get to sleep and stop crying but the coughing continued every minute or so.  I even tried to sneak attack his nose at this point but even in his sleepiness he was not a fan and turned his head.  So, what do we do as Christians when we've tried everything we can do to no avail... we pray and ask God to do it.  (I say that sarcastically, because shouldn't that be the first thing we do??)

So there I sat a little after 3 in the morning having a conversation with God about my poor little boy.  It went something like this:
 "God, if you would just take this coughing and stuffy nose and sickness off of Bug and give it to me, I would gladly take it...I mean, I know you are so able to do this God, You are all power and all love and all mercy..."
 "Wait, I know He can, but do I doubt He will?  Am I sitting here asking God to do something and not really believing He will?  What's wrong with me..."
"Well it isn't that I doubt God's ability or his love, it's that I don't believe He just grants every person their every prayer request all willy-nilly." [I have to interject here, if you are still reading this, that I seriously did use the phrase "willy-nilly" and I seriously had this conversation in my head...I realize it was more with myself, but keep reading...]
"Do I have a lack of faith? The Bible says ask and you shall receive, knock and the door shall be opened to you.  But God is not a genie.  Though God does know my heart, and He knows that it is not out of selfish ambition or gain that I make this request.  And that if I had to choose between God healing my son right now or saving my son, I would choose his salvation..." [I proceeded to have some quiet contemplative time, which is basically what the whole thing was, since I wasn't talking out loud.]
"I do believe that God is in control.  I believe He is faithful, he is good, he is love and that he can heal. So, right now I ask You, God, to please allow my son to get a good night's sleep, remove this cough from him and help him feel better. I know that you can and I believe that you will."
I probably don't even have to tell you that just after this I realized that several minutes had passed since Bug had coughed.  And I held him just a few more minutes to make sure he was really asleep before I put him back down, not because I doubted that it happened, but because I was cherishing the snuggle time and the complete awesomeness of God.  And he didn't cough again, not once.  I laid him back in his crib and didn't hear another peep from him for the next almost 3 hours before I got up for work.

Obviously, right here is where I share that one of the purposes of this post is to give God glory for healing my son last night. Praise God!

The other purpose in this post is to share how amazing God is, when He reveals himself through his word. And how awesome He is when, He chooses to give us more faith, more knowledge, more understanding through his word...  even at unexpected times, like 3 in the morning.

When I laid back down in my bed, my mind immediately went to some scripture that my discipleship class had studied a few weeks back about Jairus's daughter and the bleeding woman.  This occurrence is recorded in Mark 5:21-43 and Luke 8:40-56.  (We were doing a book study so this point that we discussed was initially made to us by Jared Wilson in his book "The Wonder Working God:Seeing the Glory of Jesus In His Miracles.")  Jairus was a prominent man, he came to Jesus knowing that he was able to save his daughter and believing that he would save his daughter.  The bleeding woman, however, was poor (she had given all of her money to physicians for healing) and she was probably of low standing in society.  She believed that Jesus had the power to heal her, but she doubted he would take the time to do so, i.e. she touched his garment herself to be healed.  I remember studying this and thinking how sad that this woman thought so little of herself and knew so little about Jesus that she didn't realize that He is love and mercy, power and might. That He would have healed her had she just asked.  I doubt for a second that he didn't know who it was who touched him or the very instant that she pushed through the crowd and was about to touch him just as he knew instantly when she did.  I am a strong believer in the sovereignty of God.  I believe that He is above all things and before all things and in complete control.  What I had to be reminded of last night that he revealed in little aha moments during my conversation with him in front of him was Hebrews 11:1, "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."  Faith isn't just believing God can, it's believing He WILL. 


I still don't believe that God should be viewed as a genie or wish granter-- He is SO MUCH MORE than that.  But I do pray that my faith is stronger today than it was yesterday and I pray that this post will perhaps encourage you as well.

Love in Christ,

Alyson

No comments:

Post a Comment